I know, it has been awhile. Did you all have a good year? I sincerely hope you did, but I kind of doubt it. My gut instinct is to say it was my worst year ever. I lost my job, a family member, my sense of security, and my identity, to name a few.
Today, I am crawling out of whatever life has felt like for me since last Spring. I know that I am not the same person as a year ago. Would I choose to do it again? Hell no, but it got me somewhere mentally that I really needed to be: unstuck. So, I am glad it is over and I will take the benefits, thank you very much.
At this very moment, I am working to build a freelance business. It still feels fake, or like I am playing “business”, but I am doing it anyway. Because you know what? It is true, no one really knows what they are doing, especially at the beginning of something. Recently, while listening to Glennon Doyle’s new podcast, We Can Do Hard Things, her sister opens our eyes to the fact that men are always doing things they are unsure of. They apply for jobs they are underqualified for and step into positions they are not ready for. I am a woman stepping into tech, hoping to become a respected web designer. I feel completely and utterly unprepared.
But I am doing it anyway.
My new personal anthem: I am doing it anyway.
All the preconceived ideas I had about work and what I could have in my career kept me from doing anything but getting a job I hated. I never did anything I wanted! Guess what? Work did not serve me and slowly sucked the life out of me. I earned money for me and my family, but I could not show up for them as my best self. Was it worth the cost? No. Did I see another option? Also no. So I just kept going.
Despite knowing my parents’ wish was for me and my brother to like our jobs and live a better life, I had no idea how. I only knew how to do what the people around me were doing, and I was a first generation college grad. The examples close to me did not help me create the roadmap I needed.
The maps I have followed before did not really help me figure out much. The problem is when you don’t know what you want or ignore how you feel, it is impossible to create your own map. So you start following maps you find. Following maps made by others will help you get to where THEY need to go, but what about you?
To create a roadmap for myself is hard. I want a guide! What if I do something wrong? How do I know I am on the right path? Do I feel like it is a sure thing and I got this? Absolutely not. Do I see other people doing it all the time? Yes! So, why not try when I have nothing to lose?
I am afraid, but I am doing it anyway.
So, to all the other souls out there going through something without a roadmap, I see you. This sucks. But keep doing it anyway.
I really, really love the rain. How about you?